Friday September 20th
I told my host parents about the girl I met at the park and how she invited me to church. My host mom was super happy cause she realized I wasn’t happy with the two last visits. She told me I should definitely go and make some friends. Easier said than done. But I decided that I had to at least try, right?
I finish work at 630 and got ready to go. She said service was at 8, I don’t wanna be late but I also don’t wanna be there super early and stand there like the awkward person that doesn’t know anybody. So I am ready a little early so I walk very slowly towards the church. If you ever walked with me you know that walking slowly is a challenge for me, but I was trying to get to church in the beginning of the service and leave without being noticed. It was my first time at this church and people still scare me when I don’t know them.
As I get to the church the gate is open but the doors are not, differently from Brazil and my church back home. There are lights on but not a lot. I pause, wait, is there really a service today?
I look to the sign in front of the church and supposedly there is but I see nobody and three possible entrances I don’t even know how to get in. Maybe I should go home.
But then I remember how I ended up here. It was not a coincidence. I text Katherine to see if she is inside, nothing, no response. Then I decided that I will go home, but so I could say that at least I tried I pray to God “God if it is really your will for me to go inside this church tonight in the next five minutes send someone to come in through one of these doors and I will know what to do.”
I was nervous already.
Clock ticking, a few minutes later I see someone get to church and go in.
I still debate should I go in or should I not? Then I tell myself: Come on Carol, God just answered your prayer right now, You can’t let Him down.
So I go in.
I enter the door and I see some teenagers at the hall. I asked them if the Youth service was there and one of them points to the upper room. I walk upstairs nervous I don’t know why I am just feeling odd on this situation.
As I enter the service room Katherine sees me from the stage and starts to scream: "YOU CAME!
So much for not being noticed. She greets me and says she wants to introduce me to some friends and I say okay, well I kind of don’t have any other choice. She introduces me to her friends that is mostly EVERYBODY. I mean seriously. I was trying to be low-key and now I just met half of the church. She introduces me as Carol her friend from Brazil. She never mentions that we just met TWO DAYS ago!
Service starts. I am sitting by myself trying to be the most low-key I can. Katherine who is leading worship has a different idea though.
From the stage on the microphone to everybody she goes "Hey guys shout out to my friend Carol from Brazil she is right there! Stand up Carol, we are really happy to have you here today!
So this is the moment where I die. If I could dig a whole in the floor and throw myself inside of it I would. If I could run I would. I even thought of faking fainting but that would be worse. I just feel the most embarrassed as possible as I stand up and awkwardly wave.
This is great, this is awesome. I bet that everybody is thinking who is this weird kid here. Ugh.
The service went well. I knew some songs in worship. From this day I don’t remember who preached or what but I guess I liked it. I don’t remember. Katherine killed me with the standing up thing. I remember however that they are announcing an apple picking event that I think is pretty cool. All these young Christians doing things together, it sounds nice. Something that I have done before. (Not the Apple Picking part I’ve never done that in Brazil.)
Service ends.
I wait for Katherine because she has been so nice I wanna say goodbye to her. But they are having food after so she doesn’t let me go. Katherine convinces me I should stay and well what is the worst that can happen. I stay.
Katherine and I get some food. She introduces me to more friends, seriously I feel like I just met EVERYBODY! There is no chance of being low-key around Katherine. We sit down on a table with one of her friends. They are talking and I focus on eating my food so I don’t have to talk. Ugh this chicken is spicy: WHY, WHY DOES EVERY FOOD IN AMERICA HAVE TO BE SPICY? But I keep the poker face. Her friend asks me if I’m having problems understanding them because I haven’t spoken much. I tell him I am cool that I am just focusing on eating. What is his name again? I have no idea I just met 300 people with American, Colombian, Venezuelan names. I remember Katherine and that’s it.
Both of them starts to make some jokes that I don’t laugh at and then they make more jokes because they think I don’t understand. Wow these people. I will let them think my English is that bad, let’s see how far it goes. I will do the listening while they do the talking.
We leave the fellowship hall and I stick with Katherine. Everybody is outside and still talking. I “talk” to a few more people and someone offers Katherine a ride so she offers me a ride. I obviously say no cause I mean guys, they all seem very nice and friendly but I just met all these people. I am not taking rides.
I tell Katherine I am cool and I live nearby so she doesn’t need to worry. She tries to convince me of the ride and when she realizes I am not giving in she says she will walk with me. Oh wow, she is really nice. It’s weird.
As we are walking home I don’t remember much from what she said but she tells me that if I ever need something like prayer, money, food, clothing or just someone to talk that I should reach out to her because she is here and she wants to help me. I thought this was really awesome. Katherine Class just met me and she is being the sweetest. I was suspicious but this has been really nice. As we say goodbye she tells me she will wait for me at second service on Sunday. After all this friendliness the least I can do is to go back.
I was not convinced with the church yet and the main reason was simply because this church was pretty different from my church back in Brazil.
When I get home and reach out to my brother I tell him my whole experience at Rez. I tell him that I don’t know if I am coming back or not. He says I should stay. Quoting him here "Give a few more tries. These people have been really nice to you. You don’t find people with so much love everywhere even in our churches back here in Brazil. Go to the service on Sunday and we talk more about this later. “
Well he has a point. I will be back on Sunday.
Sunday September 22nd
There are more people at church today so it is easier to pass by without being noticed. I see Katherine. We talk and it’s nice. She introduces me to more people.
Millie Mercado is preaching today. She preaches about serving. I don’t remember the whole thing but I remember one of her stories that she said when she first started working at the church (I don’t remember details exactly), but the main thing was they gave her a job to work taking care of the bathrooms. She wanted more or a different job but then she decided she would do the best in the job that she had and those would be the most gorgeous bathrooms people would ever see, because she was doing it for God and for Him we give our best. I remember hearing the story and thinking about my own job how even though it was really hard at times I was serving not only people but God in everything I do.
After service I say to Katherine that I have to go, some of her friends say I should stay and hang out for a while. But I am not sure yet. So I go home.
Friday September 28th
Katherine texted me that she is not going to the service tonight but she said I should go anyways. She can’t make it but I should.
I wasn’t sure if I should go or not. Now that she wasn’t going it was even harder.
Katherine isn't low-key but she is really nice and she is trying to help me out. it’s actually a good thing that she does that because now I have a real chance of meeting and connecting with people here. If it wasn’t for her I would probably go in and out without talking to anybody just because.
Since I asked my host parents to give me all Friday nights because I was interested in going to the service in this new church it would be a shame if I give up just on the second one, right? So even a little bit scared I have to try. And my brother said that I had to go. He wouldn’t let me give up.
If you are asking right now why I was scared because I mean it was just a church. I get very anxious with social interactions when I don’t know anybody. Remember me saying that I don’t do good with first meetings or seconds? It’s just awkward to me.
So If I am going I need to pray about it.
“God, I am kind of nervous about going there by myself. I want to do Your will. And I want to find out where You want me to stay. I am not sure yet.
So if there is a way please help me here. Help me talk to people even if I don’t feel comfortable. And if someone invites me to the Apple Picking thing today I will understand as a sign for me to go. And I will go.”
Friday September 28th, 8 PM
I am here again. I am sitting by myself, everything is all right so far.
They have a thousand different ways to greet people, I never know if I should hug, shake hands, give a high five or something else but it’s cool I made it to worship.
Juan is preaching tonight.
He is preaching about that even in hard times we have to remember that our joy, our comfort and our rest is in Christ. That He is a good Father and He is watching over us. That we have to find our happiness in Him, not in things, not in circumstances.
You go Juan! That’s exactly it! I love it! Studying contentment was one of my favorites things back in Brazil, so I was like awesome.
The service ends and I have an answered prayer coming my way. God answered my prayer through Maria Cepeda. She comes to talk to me, she is super nice and sweet. I feel very welcomed. And guess what? She invites me to go to the Apple Picking thing. She even goes to the person who is organizing to give my name. We change numbers and she asks me to text her so she will know that I got home safe.
Everyone was so welcoming!
Wow, these people here are very nice. It’s weird. They are being so kind to me. I don’t get it. They don’t even know me.
(Hey Carol from the past! Carol from the future talking here for a sec. Yeap, they don’t know you. And no, they are not being just polite. They don’t know you but they know Jesus and that’s enough for them. That’s love and that’s grace. They have received and now they are sharing with you. But chill, you have a long path in your way to learn from that. I won’t give you any spoilers.)
I get home and I am happy. God is taking care of me. He is showing His love to me in details, He is taking care of every single one of them. He doesn’t want me to feel alone because I am not. And He is putting people on my way to show me that.
Sunday September 30th
Despite my brother texting me to try to convince me to go to the service today. I don’t show up.
I have to go to Manhattan today to get my birthday gift that he sent me from Brazil and I decided that I wanna hang out with Kay and Rebeca. Because I mean I know them.
Friday October 5th
So, to go to the Apple Picking event I had to trade my Friday night off to have the Saturday, so I don’t show up at church again. But I get texts from people asking me where I was. Wow, these people noticed me. That’s odd.
(Hey Carol from the past, THAT’S NOT ODD! You are a weird kid. God was taking care of you in a way you didn’t know. Oops, no spoilers. Sorry!)
Saturday October 6th
Apple Picking day!
So I didn’t even know what this is. I’ve never even heard about this before. But I am going. What do people do in Apple Pickings?
But according to my brother and Rebeca this will be a good way to connect with people. I tell Rebeca which farm I am going to be at so maybe if she can she will meet me there. (She did, thank you Rebeca. Did I tell you that you are the best that day? If not YOU ARE).
I get to the church early because there are not a lot of people going. Katherine is coming today so I can stick with her.
On our way to the farm in the car we sing, we talk, we laugh, we talk theology and it’s fun. This reminds me of my friends in Brazil, man I miss them.
We get to the farm and apparently what you have to do is pick apples. I know right? Duh Carol. We pick up and eat different types of apples. We talk about which ones are good and which ones are not. I am feeling more comfortable today so I am able to talk to different people. Nice I can talk! I am having fun and just a little bit out of place.
We go eat. Katherine offers to pay for my food. I don’t need it but it’s totally awesome that she is worried about me.
I think we went to a different farm and this one had different activities. This one I felt like I am in one of those movies cause there is like a carnival there. We play different stuff. I go through a corn maze that I cheated to get out I couldn’t find my way back.
I was laughing because I am hanging with Katherine, Sami, Chris, Aaron and besides Aaron they are all impressed with pigs, chicken and horses seriously. City kids.
This has been fun.
We move location again.
We are at the pool now.
I have this feeling, it feels like home. It feels like my church back in Brazil. It feels like community. It feels like family.
I know it is soon to say. But at the same time that this was happening they made me miss my church because they reminded me of them. They made me feel at home.
I had this feeling that I didn’t even know I needed. After talking to all these people. I don’t even know where I am but it feels like home. Thank you God for showing this love and grace towards me.
And well, if this is not a sign for me to stay I don’t know what is.
We celebrate Maria’s birthday, I sing in Portuguese, we eat, we have fun.
We go home.
I get home and my host mom tells me that I look happy. She tells me that she is excited that I’m going out and making friends. I tell her I am happy too.
She asks me if I think I am gonna stay at this church now. I tell her I think so.
But just for you guys here… Spoiler alert!!! I STAYED!
It’s funny how you can here about something and you can't relate until you feel it. I knew God’s love but as a foreigner being welcomed with so much love it filled my heart.
I remembered God’s word to me saying "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6)
I am watching, I am here, I love you and I am taking care of you. I am not leaving you here alone.
He answered every prayer I made about a church with much more than I asked. There is much more to the story but this part ends here.
I just want you who are reading to know that He is a good Father. You might feel alone, you can feel anxious but you are not alone. What can you do about it? In every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Because He is with me and with you. If I can give any advice it will be know that God is your home and He loves you. So don’t be afraid and you don’t need to know more about the future, you need to know more about God because when you know who is walking with you it doesn’t matter where you go.
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