Today for the first time since September I slept with the air conditioner on. When I woke up there was a different smell in my bedroom because of the air conditioner, my mind flew back to last spring. I had flashbacks of so many things from last spring just by the smell.
I went downstairs to have breakfast and the backyard doors were open and I could feel the hot air coming in along with a different weather smell. Again, my heart fell heavy. My mind was full of last summer memories. It felt like a punch in the chest. It was weird. Last summer was amazing. The memories are great. It is not a heavy heart from a bad memory, quite the opposite I wish it was last summer.
I’ve never really understood the idea of so many books, movies and songs that talked about summer until I moved to New York. I remember it didn't make sense to me why people would describe things as a nice summer day or why people would get so excited in movies for summer. I am Brazilian, it is like summer the whole year.
However, last summer I understood. After living here in Fall and in Winter, I understood.
My first winter here felt like it lasted forever. Having to adjust to being really cold, not being able to go out as much, wearing heavy coats. That was nothing like the life I knew before. So when the flowers started to bloom and the weather finally started to change and it got warm. There was this happiness, there was this freedom that the other types of weather didn’t allow as much.
I remember going to the beach last May. I remember the breeze on my face and it was still chilly, but much more manageable to stay in. I remember last summer when I finally got it why summer is something to look forward to. Those smells, remind me of happy times. If I breath them in I can travel back there.
Reflecting on my exchange program I would describe my first year here as my highland. It was a year to take my breath away. I did have problems, but compared to everything the problems seemed like a very small piece of a huge amazing scenario. My second year though, I would call it as heartache. When the first year changed to another and summer became fall everything changed. It was time to learn on the heartache. The life leaves changed color and the warm weather became cold.
God is neither more or less inclined on the highlands or in the heartache. It’s just different.
I think I’ve learned great things on both. If you ask me which one do I prefer of course I would say the highlands. The first one. However, there is something in the heartache. There is this breakthrough, this closeness to God that is different on the heartache. You look at God and you hold on to Him with everything you got because that’s all you can do. I should’ve been doing that on the highlands.
However, let’s use this analogy. Last year was summer and this one is winter. I had a lot of breakthroughs during summer, but only winter allowed me to go deeper. It’s like a tree in winter. It carries nothing on the branches. "Its entire form is exposed. It may seem scary, but the three knows it needs the winter because it brings growth inside the trunk and roots.”
The other day Henry asked me what was my favorite thing about the USA that I didn’t have in Brazil (people aside). I told him it was seasons. Seasons are my favorite thing. Seasons teach us that one constant in life is change. As much as I wish it could be last summer again I wouldn’t change God’s work in my winter. More and more each day I’ve been learning how God is everywhere. I know that in my head, but what I am trying to say is that I’ve been learning to see him everywhere, like today when I woke up with that smell that sent me back to a different season in life. A beautiful season as beautiful as this one. Just different. I know most of the time I don’t feel this season is as beautiful as the last one, but I know it is because I know who placed me on this season.
I didn’t even knew I had so much to write about this until I sat down. I woke up with that summer smell and the pictures came back to my mind. It’s like understanding the beauty of change even when the change is hard. God is in all seasons. Even in this one where we are locked down. I hope summer comes soon, but if it doesn’t I know God is working inside this tree a day at the time. If all of this didn’t make sense to you, it’s fine. It will be a reminder to me on the future. The smell of summer is really a thing.
"You're the God of seasons And I'm just in the winter If all I know of harvest Is that it's worth my patience Then if You're not done working God I'm not done waiting You can see my promise Even in the winter 'Cause You're the God of greatness Even in a manger For all I know of seasons Is that You take Your time You could have saved us in a second Instead You sent a child."*
Well, if is not clear I miss summer, but I am grateful for winter.
*Seasons - Hillsong United
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