The year before I moved to the USA was one of the hardest years of my life. I felt like God was taking everything away from me. I felt like the things I valued the most were being taken away. I got to a point that I felt kind of hopeless towards the future. I wrote about this on my California blogpost, but to sum up on the year before I came I used to make a prayer that said: God I want to love you more than anything else. God in His almighty wisdom had to take a lot away from me, so I would understand where my heart was and it wasn't on Him. That year, I lost some friends and I felt really hurt by some circumstances. My brother had to move and the reason that he was moving was really impacted me badly. My mom had a heart attack and I thought she was going to die. My dad had to stay two weeks on the hospital at the same time, my dog died and then my grandfather died. It was a really crazy year and I really thought I had nothing else to lose.
For that reason I decided to travel to the United States. I had the dream to come before, but for a while I forgot about it. I was too comfortable and then God had to shake me. He made me move and I mean literally move to Brooklyn. I can see His plan clearly now in a way I couldn't while I was struggling with a lot of stuff.
The Brooklyn Miracle is about God bringing me to a place that I didn't want to come so I could understand Him better, love Him more and hear Him.
August 2017
João and Thais finally convinced me that the Au Pair program was a good idea. That I had nothing to lose. They were certain that this would be a great experience and if it wasn't I could always go back.
I guess they were right.
I was happy with my teaching job, but part of me wanted more from life. I wanted to see other places. I was so over Tupã because of everything that happened this year, maybe I could really take a break.
João and Thais were leaving soon.
I haven't told my friends I was really going to follow through with the exchange program. Everybody knew I wanted to go to the USA, but that's what I've been telling people my whole life. Oh, well.
Thais, João and I went to Presidente Prudente because I've been looking for nearby agencies that do the Au Pair program and the one in Presidente Prudente city looked the best of them all. Well, from all my research I've learned something: There is no safe agency. The whole internet is full of bad, terrible, good and awesome experiences in every agency, so let's give this one a try.
We've talked about the future while driving and I've been wondering how life could be if I really do the Au Pair program.
The guy who talked to us at the agency did a great job. We were all very happy with the idea of the program and the cost.
João and Thais said I should sign with them.
I said I would research a few more things before really closing the deal.
All of this happened on a Thursday. Next Saturday after this my mom had a heart attack.
So the exchange idea was left out. We focused on my mom at the moment. She was all that mattered. (You can read my California blog for more information on this.)
September 2017
My mom is home now. The worst part is gone. She survived the surgery and she is home recovering. I am so happy. It is a lot of work, but I am so happy she is here.
João has been traveling this month looking for churches.
One day he calls me from somewhere and tells me “Carol, don't give up on the Au Pair program. Call them. Close the deal and go. Mom and dad are going to be fine. Please call them.”
I honestly didn't want to call. I was excited about going before, but this last month was hard. However, I told João I was going to call and I didn't want to lie to my brother so I called them.
I talked to my mom. We paid for the Exchange program and that was it. To me at that moment there was no giving up or turning back anymore. Money could not be wasted so I was doing it, even though I was terrified.
October/November 2017
João is going to Santos. We know now. We are not wondering anymore where he is going to move.
I finally told my boss I was going to quit and do an exchange program in the USA. I told my boss before I even told most of my friends. I wanted to be clear with him.
Bia knew from the start.
I remember when I told Barbara that I have decided to go and she was surprised it was really happening.
December 2017
The news was out. Everyone knew I was going to the USA. There was no going back.
I’ve made my interview at the agency and everything was working out.
January 2018
I went to Santos to be with my brother and help him move.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with the exchange documents that I needed and stuff like that.
I’ve been talking to my sister in law, because even though I really want to go to California you cannot really chose on the Au Pair program the place you are going to end up. There are families from everywhere so I can end up anywhere.
She told me I could pray about it and if it was God’s will He would send me to California.
February 2018
When I quit my job I really thought that by April I would be going to the USA, but by the way, things were going it seemed very unlikely.
If you are reading this and you don't know how the Au Pair program works I am going to give a quick expiation so you can understand the context.
"An au pair is an unmarried young adult aged 18 to 30 years, who has no children and travels to a foreign country for a defined period of time to live with a host family. The au pair supports the host family with childcare and light housework. The main purpose of the au pair placement is a cultural exchange, which gives the au pair an opportunity to improve his or her language skills.”
To become an au pair you have to go through a matching process with families. They see your profile and they contact you for interviews and decide if it's good match.
It took me a couple of months to have families interested in my profile, so that was the reason that I thought my plan wouldn't work out.
March 2018
Nothing still.
April 2018
Yay, there was a family in my profile!!!
Let me see from where.
Easton, Connecticut.
7000 people live there.
There is a Baptist Church at least.
There is no car for the Au Pair, so this would be tricky.
However, I just felt it wasn’t there. Too small. It looked like a town of old people. I thought to myself I was going to die with no friends.
Yay!! There is another family in my profile!!!
Manhattan, New York.
Ugh.
New York.
I don't want to live in the city.
I just read that profile and it felt wrong. They were not it.
I started to get more and more worried because months were passing by. It was already April. I quit my job so this whole exchange idea could work and I was still here. I didn't like the families on my profile so far. What was going to happen?
So, I prayed because I was really nervous about it.
I said God I am going to stop worrying about the families that see my profile or not. I am going to relax. When it is my time to go you are going to show me. I am spending days worrying about this and I need to rest that you are taking care of it. The next family that checks out my profile I am going to wait and see if that's what you want. From California or wherever.
Next family that comes into my profile…
Brooklyn, New York.
Oh, well another New York family.
They looked nice. Let's see how it goes.
They wanted to interview me.
I didn't want to go to Brooklyn, but I could give it a try. I didn't even know much stuff about New York city.
First interview was cool. I liked the mom. She seemed nice. I liked her rules.
On my research about the program everyone told me I should choose a family not a place, so maybe I could go to Brooklyn if this family was nice.
She asked me to do another interview with her husband and I said yes, of course.
The second interview went even better. I was more relaxed and not so worried about how I sounded in English. I thought I liked them. I prayed.
"Hey, God. Is this the family? Did You just want me to relax because I've been worried sick for the last four months?"
After the interviews, I traveled to Santos to celebrate my brother's birthday and they asked me to do another interview. I said yes again.
Everyone thought New York was a great idea, maybe they are right. Maybe I would like it.
The third interview was really short. They made only a few questions and I made some too. We hung up and I went out to eat with my family. Everybody was excited with the idea of me going to New York. I liked the family, but I don't know. I've never dreamed about New York. In all my fantasies in the USA I was not in New York.
I prayed and I asked God. "God is this the place that You want me to go?"
The next day…
The family wanted to match! They sent me the online request to match.
The girl from the Brazilian agency called me to check out if I was going to accept or not.
Was I going to say yes? I don't know.
New York? I am going to die on subways and craziness.
I talked to my mom and she tells me “Carol, the family seems nice I think you should decide based on that. At the end of the day it is your choice.”
My brother is very excited. He is like “Carol, it is New York! It is like the heart of the world everyone wants to go there!”
We made a search on the area that I am supposed to live and I am not 100% sure, but I felt in peace with this choice. I asked God to send a family to me and He did. It's not California, but I knew from the start that I could end up anywhere.
May 2018
Everyone was very excited that I was going to New York.
Me? I didn't even google much about the city. I googled my neighborhood and churches around. That was it.
I was so scared.
Months passed until my boarding date.
August 2018
I was really, really going to Brooklyn.
I didn't even know what Brooklyn was about!
I hoped to not die.
"If you are asking yourself why I didn't google more about the place the answer is: I didn't want to be more afraid. Once I made the decision I was not going back, so I didn't look for more because I didn't want to know more things and maybe want to give up."
First week in Manhattan I really thought I was going to die. Training week was in Manhattan, so before going to my host family's house I stopped there. It was so overwhelming and crowded. I thought I was going back home crying.
When I finally got to Brooklyn the first month was very lonely and the city was very loud. There was so much information to take in. I hated being here and part of me started to question my decision. However, it only took a month because life in Brooklyn got to be better than all my imagination in California. So many dreams came true. So many things God has done for me.
January 2020
Why Brooklyn is also one of my miracles?
I struggled a lot before coming. I didn't understand the things that were happening in my life. I felt like my dreams were never coming true. I was hopeless in a sense.
Brooklyn was never my dream. However, if one day I leave this place Brooklyn will always be a memorial of where God spoke to me in so many different ways.
Brooklyn is a miracle because I felt love. God brought people to me that made me as family.
Brooklyn is a miracle because I needed to be taken out, I needed to be alone to understand that when I think I have nothing. I have God and that was all I needed all along.
I've seen God in small things, in butterflies that flew to my hands, I've seen God choosing a church for me. God made everything on my wish list to happen and much more. God worked in detail even when life in Brooklyn got hard. My confidence in Him got stronger, because I've seen everything He has done for me.
God spoke to me here and He still does.
There is not a part of me that is not grateful for Brooklyn.
I was lost and I found Him here.
He taught me on grace and in suffering.
He was always here.
I am not the person who I was two years ago and that's the most amazing miracle for me. How God keeps making me new.
I didn’t want to come to Brooklyn, but I’ve learned that sometimes I don’t want what is best for me. I’ve been learning to want what God wants for me and He wanted me here and I am so glad He did. I am so thankful for every person that was brought to my life here.
I can see right now now the purpose of a lot of things I’ve been through, but when I couldn’t see the reason I had to see God and that’s when you finally understand that’s the only thing you need to see.
Honestly, even me breathing today is a miracle. A miracle that most of us take for granted every day.
Brooklyn was my miracle. I left everything behind to find God’s will for me.
Sometimes we get scared with circumstances, but because we are not looking at the bigger picture. God is.
And every once in a while God needs to break things down, so He can build in a better way and that, that’s the miracle.
Comments