Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
James 1:23-25
April 20th
Here at the house since Quarantine started after lunch the kids have a quiet time. Which mostly consists on them playing on their own room by themselves for an hour and a half so everyone can have a break time just to relax. The rule for quiet time is you can do whatever you want, play with your toys, sing, listen to music or whatever. The only two things you cannot do are have any type of cellphone, tablet or TV time and leave your room.
Before, quiet time today instead of doing his school work that I asked. H was playing with his phone. He knows that he cannot do that, so I took his phone away. He also knows that once in a while if he behaves he can have the phone for some amount of minutes.
I put his phone on a very high shelf on his room, there is no way for him to get the phone unless he climbs the shelves. Which is dangerous and he was also warned not to do.
He asked me to have his phone back and he told me he was going to behave. I told him he might have it back once he did what I asked him to do. And after I came back from downstairs where I was going to help S out with something.
I didn't say he couldn't have his phone back. I didn't say that he lost his phone forever. I said no at the moment because he had to focus on something else. If he could be patient and do what he needed to do first he could have his phone back. I was clear and he knew.
I went downstairs to help S and I didn't take longer than ten minutes. When I came back I went straight to H's room thinking about giving his phone back for a few minutes and then he could start his quiet time. When I came into the room he was beautifully doing what I asked? No, not at all. He climbed five shelves and he was lying down on bed watching on his phone.
When he saw me the first thing he said was "It's my phone Carol!" And he tried to hold his phone tied to his body because he knows I am coming for it. I told H that I was going to get the phone from him and he lost it for a while. He lost it because he just couldn't listen. He yells and fights me. It's too late. I have the phone now. He keeps yelling and yelling. I leave the room and I close the door behind me. S opens her door and asks me what happened and I told her H is not listening. She looked at me and said: "That's too loud. He needs to stop." Which I think it's very funny because S is normally the one throwing tantrums.
I can hear H stomping in his room, once in a while he screams. I can also hear him throwing his toys all over the place. I wait a few minutes to see if he is going to calm down. He does not. I go into his room and tell him that if he thinks that acting the way he is acting he will have his phone back he is extremely wrong. I tell him he needs to calm down or he is not going to have his phone for the rest of the week and he will lose other privileges.
I go back to my room to read the Bible and do some devotionals like I always do. I put my AirPods on because H is still very loud. I try to concentrate in what I am doing, but he keeps doing his drama. On my mind I am thinking if he could just focus in something else and calm down he would get what he wants. He is just so obsessed with his phone that he cannot see anything else.
The devotional I am doing right now is called New heart and it is saying things about how we should look at things, how we should have God's view over things even if the circumstances don't change. It's talking about perception. It says that many times when we have a problem we can just look at the problem. How we should learn to see the good even when the circumstances are bad.
It hasn't been more than ten minutes since I went to H's room and I hear him calling "Carol, Carol, Carol." I tried to ignore him for a while because he knows he should be doing something else. When I cannot focus anymore I asked H what was wrong. He told me he calmed down and he wants his phone back. I tell him no because he didn't calm down. He keeps yelling and right now he lost his phone because he didn't listen. He starts to yell again. He starts to cry and I can hear him crying and begging. "Please, please, please Carol, please."
I told H to go do something else. He told me he is too bored and he doesn't have anything else to do. I make a list of all the toys he has in his room that he could be playing with right now and he screams back at me because he doesn't want that.
As I keep reading about surrendering and how when we surrender that might not change our pain, but it will change our view I hear H crying and leaning on his door when he says: "Please Carol, I just don't know what to do." And that's when it hits me. It hits me badly now.
There was something that I wanted. Something that I wanted really badly and I've been praying over it for a while now. I've been praying that God would give me faith that I would trust Him and He would do a miracle. I've been praying for God to make a way, to open a door, to do something since I cannot do it myself. I've been praying for a miracle and that God would answer me loud and clear. Two weeks ago I felt like God was answering me loud and clear as I asked. However, he didn't answer with the miracle I was expecting. He said no.
I was not expecting that. Not at all. I was expecting a miracle. A solution. Something. Not a no.
I wish I could say I took it very well and I said thank you God your kingdom come and your will be done, but I did not. I cried. I didn't want to accept it. I was upset. I got mad. I was frustrated. What I am going to do now? Why? Why? I just thought ... Why? Why is this happening? Why I cannot have what I want?
I cried. I had an attitude. I prayed and begged. I prayed and said okay I am going to obey, but I am not happy. I am going to obey, but this is not what I want. Do you hear me God?
From this emotional roller coaster that I was these past two weeks to digest my frustration until that moment sitting on my room hearing Henry while doing my devotional I didn't realize my perspective problem.
When H said he just didn't know what to do. It hit me. I saw myself on the mirror. I was H. H should have trusted me that I was not taking good stuff away from him. He just needed to wait to have the best later.
I was H. I am H. When something that I wanted "got taken away" I went blind. I just couldn't see anything else besides my frustration. I couldn't focus. I just stomped my feet, yelled, cried, begged, got mad, tried to calm down, cried more, denied that it was happening, tried to deal with my feelings, cried a little bit more and then sitting there on the floor when I was thinking why Henry couldn't just focus in something else, I saw myself.
I saw where my heart was. I just couldn't focus in anything else. Just like H who was crying over a phone and couldn't see the three hundred thousand things he had in his room to play. I was just seeing what I cannot have and nothing else God was doing or is going to do.
I really felt like a hit. Taking care of these kids always gives me a perspective of God, because so many times they fight me over stuff that I know it's not good for them and I think I do the same with God.
Sitting on the floor I start to think if God was looking at me the same way I was looking at Henry. I could see the whole picture, H could not. God can see the whole picture. I cannot.
Rebeca told me that God is much merciful than me so He is probably looking at me with more mercy than I expected. However, the message was clear to me. "Carol you need to look at a bigger picture." I need to stop whining. I don't know everything and even though I was doing the right thing I was having a rebellious heart. I saw myself as a seven year old kid that got his toy taken. As much as I wish I could say I act better than that, I don't.
Today
I don't know if something like this ever happened to you. I believe it did. I mean we are all in quarantine, I bet you had to give up something by now. Or any time in your life that you had to give up anything. How did you react? How do you react when the situations don't go as you imagine or as you expect? Do you trust that it doesn't matter what is happening God is good?
Do you trust that even when you don't get what you want He knows what is best for you?
Are you in peace when it looks that everyone is achieving their goals and you are still fighting to get where you want to be?
I know most of you don't literally react like Henry or me that cries and begs, but perhaps you start to focus on the wrong thing. You start to make the wrong questions like: Why me? Why now? Why not? You stop praying, or you stop reading the Bible or you just stop looking for help. Maybe none of that, maybe you just resent. You know, what is our problem? Our view.
We are too focused on us and too little focused on the kingdom.
We want what we want and if possible we want it now.
I don't know about you, but quarantine has shown me that I have no control over things.
It's hard to see our plans get washed away.
It's hard to see things we were expecting for so long being postponed.
It's hard to have to listen to people when they tell you what to do.
However, the way we are going to look at that will change how we behave right now.
Corona Virus has cancelled trips, weddings, birthdays, concerts, parties, dreams.
God didn't get cancelled though. He is not surprised at all. He knew, he knows and he will always know what is best for us.
So, why don't we start to make ourselves the right questions?
I once read that the question "Why me?" Should be made on the happy days more than on the bad ones. We have such a small perspective of the Kingdom that we get lost in what we want and we don't see what God wants to do.
Why don't we ask "God, how are you going to use me?"
"God, how are you going to use this pain?"
Why don't we ask how can we be more useful to the kingdom instead of asking why things didn't work out?
It's how we look at things.
It's about how we look at God.
He never fails. He is not failing right now.
He has a purpose and a greater picture that if we cannot see we can trust.
God sees the beginning and the end. He understands our circumstances. He loves us. He is merciful and we have a choice. We have the choice to grow on bitterness, frustration and disappointment or we can choose to see things like He does. To see that our biggest problem is not now, is not corona virus or whatever we are going through. Our biggest problem is being away from him. It is not having a relationship with God. Problems of our heart.
What if the circumstances never change would you change the way you look at them?
Would you focus in God?
One of my favorite Bible stories is when Peter walks on water. Let's take a look at that for a second.
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14:25-33
When Peter had his eyes on the Lord He walked on water. HE WALKED ON WATER. Do you understand that?
He walked on water.
I bet the wind was there already before Peter got off the boat, but he had his eyes on Jesus and he had faith. So, he walked on water, the circumstances didn't matter because his eyes were on the Lord. However, when Peter lost focus he started to sink.
Do you see it?
I know we are not going to literally walk on water now, but the lesson is the same. The sea will have waves, there will be wind. Life will get hard, you will get disappointed, circumstances will change and be difficult, but if you keep your eyes on Jesus you can walk on water.
Henry and God reminded me of something.
They reminded me to keep looking at God. To look less at myself, to what I need because God knows what I need and He will deliver when it's the right time. They reminded me that God didn't save us to take us away or to give us a comfortable life with no problems. He saved us to use us.
How about, we start looking at things like that? How about, we start to ask God how he can use us instead of asking Him how he can make what I want happen?
Maybe your circumstances or mine won't change, but He will change us and there is nothing better than that. There is nothing better than being on the hands of the Father. A Father that loves us, redeems us and knows what's best for us even when we can't see it.
The truth is, we are always going to reflect something. My prayer is that as I look my life in the mirror I see less of me and more of Jesus.
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