Hello people who read my blog!!! Long time no see huh?
I know it's been a while. I took a break on writing. These last couples of months have been challenging and it kind of made me want to stop writing. However, while I was praying the other day God brought it back to my mind why I started the blog. I don't know if I shared the reasons why I started the blog before, but to get to the main point of this new blogpost I will do that.
So see, I always enjoyed writing I personally think I can be clearer about my feelings and thoughts while I am writing than really talking to someone. With that in mind, writing my stories would be a good way to share my journey with people that I love and live far away from me. Also, one of the goals of writing the blog was to show God's work in my life and somehow show to everyone that my journey is about Him. If one person could relate, if one person could be blessed, if one person while reading my blog could have faith or hope that would be amazingly great. God wants me to share what He is doing in me, through me and for me.
Last, but not least, I started the blog to remind myself. "Remind yourself of what Carol?" You could ask.
Remind myself of God's miracles in my life. Do you know why? Because sometimes when life gets hard, when life gets crazy, when I feel lost I easily think I am alone. I tend to think that God is not working right now, but He is always working. Even if I don't see it He is working, even when I don't feel it He is working.
With that said I had this idea for the blog a while ago called God's miracles. The idea was to share my miracles. I've shared some and I want to share some more. I want us to be able to see God in everything because He is there.
Two weeks ago I was crying at the church and a woman approached me to ask what was wrong and pray for me. It was awesome. Definitely God showing His love towards me and I want to share what she told me that day. She said: “Carol, I don't know exactly why you are crying, but I want you to remember this. God is good. He can do impossible things. He can turn this situation around. He can do the impossible. He can do something that you cannot even imagine. Have faith Carol. Don't doubt. He will do what is best for His glory and it is much better than you can imagine. And Carol, I know you know all of this, but sometimes we need reminders. We need people to remind us of the truth. We need to remind ourselves of the truth. You are brave Carol. Keep on working.”
Wow, right?
I am sharing this because as I write my new stories, my new “series" called miracles, we will always know and be reminded that God can do impossible things!
Okay, enough with the huge intro, but this time I thought it was important.
Let's go to the story and this one I called as “The Miracle of the Second Year.”
If you read some of my blog posts before or if you know me at all. You will know that I always had the desire to live in the United States for a season. If you don't know that go check my California blogpost (haha!).
Anyways, when living here became real and I finally knew I was coming I had a plan and everything figured out. I was coming to the US for a year, I was going to travel a lot and go back to Brazil. Back in Brazil, I wanted to find a job close to my brother's city and live there happily ever after.
"If you do not know this about me until this point I want to let you know that I am a very dramatic person. So if reading this, you ever think "Oh this is over dramatic of her. It probably was!”
Well, so staying a second year wasn't on the plans. Everyone back in Brazil said I would stay two years and all of that, but I was so disappointed at life that coming here wasn't as excited as it looked once before. So, I would tell people I would be back in August, but I wouldn't limit what God would do because I couldn't speak for the future Carol. If it was His will I would stay, but back at that time my will was to go back. I was going to live in Brooklyn after all, it was not even the place I wanted or imagined, but it was good enough. I am not going to lie and say that I never imagined a second year. I did, but I used to think a second year would only be possible if my first year was amazing. And I was too pessimist that an amazing first year seemed unrealistic.
I never wanted to live in New York. I never even wanted to visit New York. I wanted to live in California. I wanted to live in Boston. New York was never on the list. Staying in Brooklyn more than the time planned seemed unlikely. In another story I will tell how I ended up in Brooklyn, but right now let's focus on the Second Year Miracle.
Okay I got here August 14th 2018 and when I spent my first week in Manhattan I hated. I really, really disliked the place and what scared me the most was that differently from the other girls on the Au Pair training I wasn't leaving New York in the end of the week I was staying. The thought scared me so badly that I didn't sleep that well, I told my brother that I wouldn't make it. I couldn't live in that chaos. João wise as always told me to go to the family's house and give a shot. At least a month, New York couldn't be that bad it was just different from my plan.
First month was hard.
Getting adjust was harder than I thought.
Small town girl spending hours on the subway.
Food that I didn't like.
No friends.
Staying a second year seemed impossible.
However, after it rains, what happens? Yeap, the sky cleared up and a rainbow appeared.
Second month and I didn't dislike New York that much anymore. Life seemed not so bad. I had made a friend. I was hopeful about a church. I was enjoying life here in the City more than I thought I ever would. I was still careful with my hopes and expectations for the future though I didn't want to fool myself with an unrealistic life in the United States.
As time passed by my desire and eager for being in California disappeared. The desire for staying though? Showed up really strong, but I didn't only want to stay I wanted to stay in Brooklyn. I wanted to stay at the place that I didn't think it was for me, but I learned to love. I couldn't imagine a second year that was not in Brooklyn. There was a lot that God wanted to do with me here.
However, months passed by and my host family didn't say a word if they wanted to keep me or not. I was sure I wanted to stay, but I wasn't sure if they wanted me to stay.
Rebeca, my awesome friend that arrived with me already knew her situation. Rebeca that didn't know if she wanted to stay or not had the offer on her table and tickets for Brazil in her hands. I know I shouldn't be comparing situations, but I was doing it.
And what I had? Worries. I had changed to not wanting to be here at all to having this great desire on staying, but no offers. Nothing solid.
I know that God wanted to teach me trust and patience in this season. However, I was already trying to figure it out myself how I was going to stay in Brooklyn.
Months passed by and when I was very sure of my decision of staying even without an offering of my host family. I started to ask what my family and friends in Brazil thought of me staying.
My brother was all about me staying. My friends said they would miss me, but seeing me so happy and watching God's work in my life was too amazing for them to deny the idea that staying was the best for me. My dad cried and said ‘If you are happy Carol that's all I care about.”. My mom was a confirmation from God to me because I had no idea of what she would say and what she said was really surprising. She said “Carol, you are my daughter. I've raised you. I can see in your eyes for a while now that you want to stay. Since you are a little girl you've been telling me of this dream and even though it is hard for me to be apart from you I know you are in the right place. If you ask me Carol I have this feeling that you might stay there much longer than that and it's okay. I love you a lot and maybe one day I can go visit.” It was so shocking to me. My mom that used to say that she couldn't wait for me to come back, that hates traveling even short trips was willing to take a ten hour plain to see me here.
I don't know exactly what moment the things changed inside my heart and the great desire to stay in Brooklyn showed up, but I definitely know that came from God. I know it had to do with my process and maturing. I know that had to do with a much greater and bigger plan than I had.
I kept praying then.
God was confirming that in my heart.
God was confirming that in people's heart around me.
There was one thing missing. My host family's proposal.
I kept praying. I kept hoping.
When I made six months here after coming back from my favorite trip so far and after getting the news that my brother was having a baby. My host family asked to have a meeting with me. (Curious fact about me: I hate meetings and when people tell me that they need to talk to me later.)
I prayed and prayed before the meeting. I was nervous about what they would say and part of me had hope that it was the proposal I was wishing for so long.
When the day came they told me that they wanted me to stay. I WAS SO HAPPY!
However, with the news of the baby coming I really wanted to visit Brazil. So instead of jumping right into the "Yes, of course I want to stay" I said “Well, I love being here. I love my life in Brooklyn, but I want to pray before I say yes. I want to talk to my parents again and I definitely want to go back to Brazil to meet the baby. So if I stay is that possible?”
They were happy too. They said yes and of course.
I prayed.
I talked to Marcella and said “What do you think Marcella? Should I stay? Do you think it is God's will?”
Marcella looked at me and said “Carol, are you serious? You've been praying for them to ask you to stay for months and now that they did you are not sureif it's from God? Come on.”
Yeah, she was right and I was doubting of something that I should not.
Well, I am writing this on my 14th month in the United States so as you know I stayed.
The second year is a miracle because it was not even supposed to happen.
The second year is a miracle because the answer didn't come at the time that I wanted, but I learned to trust God even not knowing the answer. I learned in that season to be content no matter the outcome.
The second year is a miracle because the proposal to stay came exactly how I wanted.
The second year is a miracle because even though I don't deserve it my first year was much more amazing that I could dream.
The second year is a miracle because God changed my heart while here.
The second year is a miracle because I was not even supposed to be here.
The second year is a miracle because I get to stay and visit Brazil like I prayed for.
The second year is a miracle because even when I didn't understand God's plan and why he brought me here He knew better.
When I think about this miracle I remind myself of the goodness of God. I remind myself that what looks impossible to me it is not impossible to God. I remind myself that He is working in me through situations that I don't understand. I remind myself that being in the place that God wants me to be is the place I could ever be. God works in me and His miracles are happening all the time for us to see.
When I don't know the future I can rest because I trust the One who writes the future.
I write from Brooklyn, the place I learned to love.
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