I wrote this to myself so I could remember every time that I am feeling down everything God has done for me.
Maybe it will speak to you too.
Every time that I write about my journey here I want somehow to tell not things about me, but about the One who makes things happen.
Hey Carol from 2018, I know you are afraid. I know you are worried. I know that you smiled to everyone and said everything would be fine when you didn't even know. I know you tried to predict the future and you made plans for what was going to happen. I know you told yourself that if things go badly you could just give up and everything will be fine.
I know you made a list of things you wanted and you had faith that they would happen.
I know that you over thought things and you joked around to not show everybody how nervous you were. I know how many times you prayed just to get in or out of the subway or just to do any regular thing of the day. I know how many times you cried because you didn't know what was going to happen.
Hey Carol from 2018, like you told everybody else everything end up fine. More than fine actually. Everybody used to tell you this, but now I am telling you this Carol from the past, you like to worry over nothing.
Obviously that if Carol from August 2018 knew what was going to happen she wouldn't have worried that much, but she also wouldn't have tried so hard to learn and to rest. She wouldn't understand that the only thing she needed was to trust God. She needs to learn how to rely on Him. She needs to learn how to say I can't do this by myself, God please help me. So God would tell her ‘You never needed to this alone. Walk with me?”
So to 2016, 2017, 2018 Carol, I know you had difficult years, I know you were sad. However, if I could tell you anything about the future it wouldn't about what happens to you, I would tell you to enjoy the process. I wouldn't tell you how many of your dreams will come true. I wouldn't tell you how many new dreams you will have. Either where God will take you or what He is going to do. Do you know why? Because I know you Carol and you wouldn't believe me anyway.
What you need to know about the future is that God is with you every step of the way.
I know that you like to feel that you can control things, but let me tell you a secret Carol, you cannot. And when you finally realize that you can relax because you know who is in control is far wiser than you are. He never loses control, He was never surprised with what happened. He knew every step you were going to take and He wanted you to rest and trust that He was taking care of you.
Hey Carol from the past, I know you know, but God loves you very much and He is very interested in transforming you. Allow Him to do it.
Hey Carol from the past, you can't imagine what happens in the future because you became too pessimist, but you don't have to be. You need to understand that God is much bigger than your circumstances, I know you like to study about that. So can you trust Him?
I am going to tell this again Carol “It's not about where you go it's about who is going with you.”
Hey Carol from the past, I can't promise that you are not going to cry anymore or that you are not going to be sad, but I can tell you that God never left your side. He loved all the way through.
My advice for you in the past or to the person who is reading this right now is that you do not need to know more about the future. You need to know more about God. Enjoy your process, rest and be grateful for everything He does. He knows what He is doing. You don't need to fight so much, you need to learn. You need to be teachable. Place your heart in the center of God's will and enjoy His care for you. When you trust Him you don't need to understand.
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